it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
