It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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