ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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