I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My feet surprised me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
