I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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