There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
