You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
