i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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