I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
