A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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