Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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