dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
