there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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