I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
