Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
