You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
