We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
