I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
