Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He passed out mid-signature
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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