Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
