Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize