At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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