dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
