That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
