just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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