I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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