all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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