end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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