I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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