Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
