great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
