I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
