What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
