chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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