so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
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she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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