Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
