using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
