trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
