is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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