I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize