I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
