mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
