I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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