Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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