Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
