when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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