were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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