So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
