I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
