Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
