Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We are two peas in an std pod
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
