Cold hands, warm shart.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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