I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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