Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
