Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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