Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
