I hope mine doesn't look like that
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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