and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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