Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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