is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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