did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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