We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
