I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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