tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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