btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
