Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
