I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
